Chronicle

chronicle-movie-posterDirector: Josh Trank. Starring: Dane DeHaan, Alex Russell, Michael B. Jordan, Michael Kelly, Ashley Hinshaw. Budget: $12 mln. USA, 2012. IMDb: 7.1. My rating: 2/4. Sci-fi thriller about great power and zero responsibility.

– Apex predator…
– What?
– I’m an apex predator!
(the teens are over-estimating their competence)

– Wow, look, a rave.
– Oh, wow, look. A nerd with a camera.
(nerds are trying to be cool)

”…the actors screaming occasionally only made things worse.”
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”The worst film I have seen in ages. Spectacularly annoying idiots yelling at each other.”
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”Enjoy trolling? Enjoy watching people get trolled? Here’s your movie. For the average Joe, this will be an enjoyable movie. For the superhero fan, this could be a cult classic”
Richard Reilly

”It was intense and dark. SEE THIS MOVIE everybody. I saw this thinking it was going to be awesome. But I was wrong. It was 10 times better than I expected. My new favorite movie.”
Jesse Popin

“Chronicle” was made in the wake of a huge success of superhero movies and is kind of an alternative view on superheroes. Other notable examples were “Defendor” (which surprisingly had incredible emotional depth provided by Woody Harrelson), “Super” (ultra-violent but touching superhero parody in Troma style with an amazing Rainn Wilson) and “Kick-Ass“, but these 3 wonderful flicks were all made in a more humourous vein. “Chronicle” is dark, realistic (as far a movie about superpowers can be considered realistic) and feels different both from Marvel/DC stuff or a big array of a more independent production like ”Dredd”, ”Watchmen”, and other R rated stuff. In a nutshell, it’s just a movie about a bunch of normal teens that have no idea what to do with their powers.

Dane DeHaan, with his permanent ”oh-I-just-finished-a-3-day-bender-and-do-not-intend-to-stop” face expression should play serial murderers and psychos, not galaxy saviors or troubled teens that we should feel pity for.

Chronicle

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Kung Fury

posterDirector: David Sandberg. Starring: David Sandberg, Jorma Taccone, David Hasselhoff, Andreas Cahling. Sweden, 2015. Budget: $630,000. A faithful dedication to the best & the worst of the 80-s, rage mode on.

– Fuck! That’s a laser raptor. I thought they went extinct thousands of years ago. What year is this?
– It’s the Viking Age.
– That explains the laser raptor. Fuck! I went too far back in time.
(a dialogue between Kung Fury and Barbarinna)

– I’m disarming you.
(Kung Fury, before ripping off Nazi soldier’s arm)

– Open the doors, Hoff.
– I’m sorry, Fury. I can’t let you do that.
– Open the doors!
– Did anyone tell you… not to hassle the Hoff 9000?
(Kung Fury is convincing the car computer Hoff 9000 to open the door)

”Kung Fury” is a fucked up version of the dorkiest things about the martial arts movies and the 80-s/90-s pop culture you could’ve ever imagined. Thor showing off his over-sized breast muscles? Check. A slot machine “Hoff 9000″ (built by Hitler to reestablish his power) goes rogue revenging the world? Check. ”The Matrix” parody in the goofy 80-s à la Van Damme style? Check. Tyrannosaurus vs Nazi soldiers? Check.

Growling “I’m disarming you” with Batman’s voice to an enemy with a gun and then just tear the poor man’s limb off to use it as an airscrew? Check!

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Sexism in modern cinema / Valerian & Wonder Woman costumes

Let’s start at the very end.

Exposing various female body parts is a recurring motif in cinema and science fiction. It’s cheap. But if the movie sucks, how else you attract the guys in cinemas?

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Now let me explain how I came to this…

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Peter Stormare / Constantine

While “Constantine” wasn’t a perfect movie, Peter Stormare’s performance there was a true delight, as always.

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It’s funny though that in a Keanu Reeves’ film – Tilda Swinton, Rachel Weisz and Peter Stormare weren’t even mentioned on the posters – he was easily outplayed by their performance. I think the best Stormare’s role was as a cold-blooded weirdo in “Fargo”, and that was wa-ay different from “Constantine”.

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Well, Reeves’ eternally doleful and dismal face expression barely changes from one movie to another. But we can forgive this guy everything for “The Matrix”, don’t we?

Turbo Kid

turbo_kid.jpgDirector: François Simard, Anouk Whissell, and Yoann-Karl Whissell. Starring: Laurence Leboeuf, Munro Chambers, Michael Ironside, Aaron Jeffery, Edwin Wright. Canada (Quebec), New Zealand, 2015. Budget: $60,000. IMDb: 6.7. My rating: 3/4. An eccentric childish post-apocalyptic sci-fi with lots of gore.

– I thought all robots were evil.
– Depends on the model.
(The Kid and Apple are getting to know each other)

– You want to see something cool?
– I always want to see something cool.
(a conversation between The Kid and Apple)

“Turbo Kid” is  a faithful homage to the 80-s, a naïve love story occasionally slipping into a gory bloody post-apocalyptic trash. Sounds dorky? Well, it looks dorky too, and is entertaining as hell from the first frame.

The film doesn’t hesitate to borrow everywhere it can, but you don’t blame kids at the nearby playground for copying chases and fighting they saw on the TV screen, do you? Especially if they have a super-blaster-glove and BMX bikes.

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Dredd

Dredd

Poster by Jock.

Director: Pete Travis. Starring: Karl Urban, Olivia Thirlby, Lena Headey, Domhnall Gleeson. USA, 2012. Budget: $45 million. IMDb: 7.1. RT: 78%. My rating: 3.5/4. Gritty dystopian cyberpunk at its finest.

– Negotiation’s over. Sentence is death.
(Dredd)

– I was wondering when you’d remember you forgot your helmet.
– Sir, a helmet can interfere with my psychic abilities.
– Think a bullet in the head might interfere with them more.
(a dialogue between Dredd and the rookie Judge Anderson)

– I am the law.
(Dredd)

It’s not like I’m keen on IMDb and Rotten Tomatoes ratings… but how often does it actually happen that a reboot of a non-Marvel/DC superhero movie has 78% RT and 7.1 IMDb, outgunning by all means the so-bad-that-it’s-good 1995 version?

You’re right – almost never. “Dredd” is probably the only decent superhero sci-fi flick released since Marvel/DC brainstormed (brainwashed?) the world. It seems though that nobody noticed that (myself included, till yesterday).

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Lazer Team


Director
: Matt Hullum. Starring:  Burnie Burns, Gavin Free, Michael Jones, Colton Dunn, Allie DeBerry, Alan Ritchson. USA, 2015. IMDb: 5.7. Budget: $2.4 million. My rating: 3/4. Action sci-fi comedy about four losers saving the world.

– My calculations show that, scientifically, we’re screwed.
(Neil)

– Guys, guys, guys. Help, help. Hagan, I promise I won’t try and bang your daughter.
(Zach)

It’s going to be a tough one. Probably I have never seen a movie that borrows so much elsewhere while still has its own little charm. Bashed by critics and mostly loved by the public, it holds the record as the highest-funded film through Indiegogo. With a decent amount of dick weird humour and tons of pure geeky fun, ”Lazer Team” may not always convert quantity into quality, but it’s itching to start a fight. If you adored stuff like ”Paul” or ”Iron Sky” (and I bet you did…) and are ready to embrace “21 Jump Street”-style humour, here’s a new piece of nerdy sci-fi awesomeness. Add ”Galaxy Quest”, some warm 80-s low budget sci-fi feel and here we are.

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Dr. Strange

Director: Scott Derrickson. Starring: Benedict Cumberbatch, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Rachel McAdams, Tilda Swinton, Benedict Wong, Mads Mikkelsen. USA, 2016. IMDb: 7.6. My rating: 2.5/4. Marvel superhero flick, this time with magic.

– Well, what’s this? My mantra?doctor-strange-poster
– The Wi-Fi password. We’re not savages.
(conversation between Dr. Strange and a monk)

The never sleeping guys from Marvel continue to expand its cinematic universe, this time with the introduction of magic and Benedict Cumberbatch. As usually, “Dr. Strange” gives us exactly what is expected from an average Marvel film – awesome effects, humour, not much gore, cynical but good-hearted main hero and an overall charming feel of a little marvel. Maybe it doesn’t reach the heights set by the first “Avengers” or “Iron Man”, but lots of fun and entertainment are guaranteed.

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Still, I feel that ”Dr. Strange” got way too much praise than it actually deserved. Continue reading